Corduroy Orange

I roasted a goose the other night.  It was my first goose ever, and I really enjoyed it.  In fact, i liked it enough that goose now enjoys a spot in my top 3 favorite meats:

1) Prosciutto, specifically from Parma Sausage on Penn Avenue, where the hams are aged for a minimum of 16 months and it’s sliced to order and it melts in your mouth.

2) Goose–which is an accomplishment, as it jumped right into the #2 spot out of nowhere.  I suggested roasting goose for Thanksgiving next year.  Aurora said it doesn’t feed as many people as turkey does.  I said that we’d just have to invite fewer people.  She shot me a dirty look.

3) Lamb–pretty much any preparation, so long as it’s medium rare if roasted and falling apart if braised.  In particular for braised lamb, I enjoy a mediterranean-style preparation with good green olives and pistachios in with the stewed meat.  But so long as it’s been well-prepared, you can’t go wrong with lamb in my book.

Duck had previously held the number 3 spot, but was edged out of my rankings by the tastiness of the goose.

While everyone who was dining with me enjoyed the goose, I was the only one among us for whom goose ranked in the top 3.

Aurora’s top 3:

1. Rabbit
2. Duck
3. Seared Ahi Tuna

Justin’s top 3:

1. Corned Beef
2. Lamb
3. Seared Ahi Tuna

Ji Eun’s Top 3:

1. Spicy Pork
2. Tandoori Chicken
3. Cephalapod (either octopus or squid will do)–but only if it’s spicy!

Your top 3?

Attention, all parents and well-meaning children: Santa is a very old man. With senescence comes a weakened immune system, meaning that he is a member of a high-risk category of food-borne illnesses. Please, let’s not have a repeat of what happened last year! Here are a few tips to help keep Santa healthy:

• Wash your hands!  Kids are germ factories (yes, even you!)  Don’t share your germs with Santa.  Wash your hands before making his plate of cookies.
• Milk should not be left at room temperature.  It’s a well-known fact that Santa doesn’t come until everybody in the house is asleep, which with excitement running high on Christmas eve, could take a while.  Therefore, if you opt to leave milk for Santa, leave it for him over an ice bath to help keep it cold until the old man arrives.
• Consider leaving an alternate snack for Santa.  After all, with so many houses to visit, there’s a limit to how many cookies and how much milk Santa can consume.  Perhaps you could leave him something to go?  Consider a bottle of a nice ale that Santa could crack open and enjoy on Christmas morning after all of his rounds are completed; or maybe a sandwich wrapped in wax paper that he could eat during one of his long commutes over a body of water (the Pacific Ocean, in particular, tends to be a bit boring for him, and he could really use something to do while he crosses it).
• If you do decide to make him a sandwich, keep in mind not to use perishable ingredients that could sprout unhealthy levels of bacteria while you’re asleep/ before he eats it.  Peanut butter and jelly, for instance, would be a good choice; cream cheese and lox would not be.

If you have any questions about whether your plan for Santa is going to be safe for his weakened immune system, consult your local department of health.  They have trained epidemiologists on staff who can answer any of your questions.

Dear Corduroy,
I am working with a cookie recipe that calls for 1 cup shortening and 1 cup butter.  I don’t have shortening, but I do have margarine.  I’ve heard margarine has lower fat content and more water than shortening, but I’ve also heard it’s ok to substitute margarine for shortening.  What do you recommend?

–Short-stuff

Dear Shorty:

I recommend you ignore the recipe’s suggestion to use half shortening and use nothing but butter.  If it’s a sugar cookie recipe, that will make it a bit harder to roll out and cut successfully, but the upside would be much better flavor.

If you’re wedded to the idea of using a substitute fat, margarine is somewhat better than shortening, i suppose, because at least it has flavor.  Though, the flavoring used in margarine are typically the same as is used in microwave popcorn; and that flavoring additive has been implicated in lung disease in workers at popcorn factories (read this for more info).

An interesting side note on margarine: though we think of it as a vegan option, when first introduced, margarine was decidedly not vegan or even vegetarian.  It was made from cooking cow udders down with beef fat to produce a butter-like flavor out of pieces of the animal that would otherwise have been discarded.

Don’t blame me… blame my mother-in-law, who tells a bad joke really well. She’s been sending me these puns for months and I haven’t done anything with them yet. Until now…. So, without further ado, Diana’s food puns:

I couldn’t decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.

I beat the eggs and I whip the cream, but the onion always makes me cry.

One ear of corn said to the other ‘You’re getting husky’.

When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears.

The pod vegetables I bought for the gumbo I was making were so-so. They were medi-okra.

A fight broke out in a kitchen. Egged on by the waiters, two cooks peppered each other with punches. One man, a greasy foie gras specialist, ducked the first blows, but his goose was cooked when the other cold-cocked him. The man who beat him, a weedy salad expert with big cauliflower ears, tried to flee the scene, but was cornered in the maize of tables by a husky off-duty cob. He was charged with a salt and battery. He claims to look forward to the suit, as he’s always wanted to be a sous-chef.

The compensation received by the Italian chef was a pretty penne.

What should you put into your garden to watch over your beets? A metro-gnome!

Start cooking at kickoff, and these beans and rice will be ready to serve at halftime!

Pregrame:

* cut: 2 cups onion, 1 cup celery, 1 cup bell pepper, fresh hot pepper to taste (for most people, probably 1-2 banana or jalapeno peppers, or the equivalent), and 5-6 cloves of garlic.

* Assemble: 1 can beer, 2 cans beans that have been drained and rinsed, 2 cubes chicken bullion, and a hot cast iron pan with a tight fitting lid. The best way to heat the pan is probably to put it over low heat while you’re cutting the veggies.

* 15 minutes before kickoff: pour enough vegetable oil into the pan to coat the bottom, and sprinkle it with ground pepper. Add the onions into the pan with a small pinch of salt. Keeping the heat very low, put the lid back on the pan and greet your guests as they arrive.

* While the announcers are introducing the starting lines, add the rest of the veggies into the pan with another small pinch of salt. Stir them in with the onions, and put the lid back on. Head back toward the TV to watch kickoff.

During the first quarter:

* During the first commercial break: turn the heat up to full and crumble the chicken bullion cubes over the vegetables. Stir the pan constantly to dissolve the bullion into the vegetable juices, and to keep the veggies from scorching. As the game is coming back on, pour the can of beer over the veggie-bullion mix. Leave the heat at full.

* During the second commercial break: Fill the empty beer can with water, and add half of it in with the veggies and beer, along with all of the beans. Stir a few times to get everything mixed together, ease the heat back to medium, and put the cover on the pan.

* Feel free to skip the next couple of commercial breaks. There’s so much liquid in the pan at this point that everything ought to be doing fine. In fact, kick back until quarter-time and enjoy the company of your guests.

Second Quarter:

* At quarter time: give the beans a stir and make sure there’s still plenty of liquid. Measure out 1 1/2 cups of rice.

* 10 minutes real time into second quarter: duck into the kitchen and stir the rice into the beans along with the second half of the beer can full of water.

* With 1:30 left in the half: check on the rice. It’s probably about done. Turn the heat off underneath it, stir it, and put the cover back on.

Half time:

Serve at halftime, and enjoy!

Dear Corduroy Orange -

A friend of mine is interested in buying Beaver from his local Farmer’s Market and cooking it up, since it’s not a meat you often see for sale.  This also means he’s not sure how to prepare it.  He’s been looking at various receipes, but based on your knowledge, are there better ways to prepare this type of meat?

Thanks,
Curious in STL

I thought you could go to jail for trying to buy beaver on the street.  Wait, no, that’s for trying to rent it.

Seriously, though, I didn’t even realize that beaver was a meat that could be purchased, so I’d be interested in how it tastes.  I have absolutely zero experience with beaver preparation, so I don’t know that I’d trust my expertise in this area.  I do know, however, that it is a rodent; and I’m pretty sure it has some healthy musk glands that i assume the butcher responsible for dressing the carcass will have removed.

In general, though, I anticipate that it would have a somewhat strong flavor, and that the best results could probably be achieved by braising it (such as a stew or a pot roast).  As such, my recommendation is to season the beaver with salt and pepper, sear the beaver in a large cast iron pot, browning both sides.  Remove the beaver from the dish, and add a chopped onion, about a half dozen whole cloves of garlic, a handful of dried shiitake mushrooms, a bit of diced butternut squash, and perhaps some diced, peeled apple (season the vegetables with some salt and pepper as well).  Return the beaver atop this bed of vegetables.  Add enough vegetable stock (I’d hesitate to use beef or chicken stock because you don’t want to interfere with the taste of the beaver itself.  On the other hand, using plain water would likely dilute the flavor of the finished product) to cover the vegetables and go about halfway up the meat.  Bring the stock to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer, cover, and let cook for three hours.  Serve with an accompaniment of mashed potatoes if desired.

Please let me know how your friend prepares his beaver, and how it comes out in the end.

With Thanksgiving quick approaching, I’m starting to think about my menu for the day. All in attendance will help with the food, of course, bringing a dish that their families think essential for a Thanksgiving feast. But come the end of the meal, it’s essential that there’s more than enough pie to go around. One pie for every two people is the ideal ratio, I think; though if the feast gets quite large, I’d settle for a pie per three.

The advantage to having so many pies is that every individual has a different idea of which pies are need-to-have, which are nice-to-have, and which are worth ignoring. For instance, I can’t imagine a Thanksgiving without a pecan pie; whereas my sister can’t imagine taking a bite of one.

The first four pies that I make (or sign up a volunteer to make) are easy to determine: pumpkin or sweet potato, pecan, apple, and grasshopper. Beyond that, cherry would probably sneak in for number five. I’m open to lots of other pies to fill in any additional spots, but the one that I will never invite to dinner is mincemeat. I’ve never had a mincepeat pie that I have enjoyed, though every time I happen across one, I’ll take a sliver to see if this one is any better than the rest that I’ve sampled.

I’m curious, though, as to what anyone else has to say about which pies are essential and which are less than welcome.

And for anyone who is interested about the grasshopper pie, you should have started harvesting your insects in July, when they were plentiful. You’ll be hard pressed to find any still breathing at this point. Just kidding. It’s creme de menthe and marshmallow in a chocolate cookie crust, and it’s delectable. Here’s the recipe for it, courtesy my mother. Don’t pay attention to any of her blasphemous talk of purchasing a pre-made chocolate cookie crust. I don’t believe she actually means it, and to my knowledge she’s never actually followed that advice. Certainly not when she’s cooking for me, anyway!

Grasshopper Pie

Chocolate crust (you can buy these in the grocery store)

If you want to make one, check your Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. It has the recipe. I usually bake mine for 8 minutes at 375 degrees. This book says not to so take your pick.

Grasshopper Filling:

• 32 large marshmallows or 3 cups miniature marshmallows
• ½ cup milk
• ¼ cup green crème de menthe
• 3 Tablespoons white crème de cacao
• 1 ½ cups chilled whipping cream

Heat marshmallows and milk over medium heat, stirring constantly, just until marshmallows melt. Chill until thickened; blend in liqueurs.

Beat the cream until stiff. Be sure the marshmallow mixture is cooled or it will melt the cream. Fold the marshmallow mixture into the whipped cream.

Pour this into the crust. If desired, sprinkle with grated semi-sweet chocolate. Chill at least 3 hours or until set. Serve with additional whipped cream, if desired. [trust me, it's desired...]

Corduroy–

Our mother (in-law) is coming to visit soon and she’s just been diagnosed as having a wheat allergy.  We’re trying to compose a general menu for what we’ll be eating while she’s here, and are coming to a stumbling block for breakfasts.  Beyond the standard eggs, bacon and fruit, I’m having a hard time coming up with variety for breakfast.

Our sister (in-law) may be coming as well, and she is lactose intolerant.  So, wheat- and dairy-free options would be nice, if you have any suggestions.

Gadzooks!  I’d neve really thought about how few traditional breakfasts don’t have wheat in them!  Nonetheless, you should be able to come up with several possibilities.

Omelettes are basically within the realm of eggs, so you may have thought of them already.  I kind of prefer them to eggs over easy as a way of welcoming guests, as they’re a bit more elegant.

I sometimes make a lasagna-ish dish that substitutes very thinly sliced potatoes for the noodles.  While I usually serve that as dinner, it would make a nice savory breakfast casserole.  Simply slice the potatoes as thinly as possible.  Layer in a greased baking dish, add a filling (I like some fresh baby spinach and some lightly sauteed mushrooms; cheese is optional) and add another layer of potatoes.  Salt and pepper each layer of potatoes as they go in the pan, and finish with a final layer of potatoes on top.  Bake at 350 F for about 30-40 minutes or until the casserole is cooked through.

For a wheat-free quiche, try making a pie crust out of chickpea flour.  It won’t have the same texture as a crust made with wheat flour, but it should be passable.  Of course, this option includes dairy in it.

Rice pudding usually has some milk in it, too; but it would make a nice breakfast dish.  You could also go for oatmeal, I think–oats aren’t wheat, last I checked.

Yet another wheat-free but dairy-inclusive option would be smoothies.

I’m sure other options exist beyond these few, though they aren’t coming to mind immediately.  So, i’m going to throw the question open to the small portion of internet users who read this page: any ideas for tasty dairy- and/or wheat- free breakfasts that would make good food for company?

The Pittsburgh Post Gazette had a column on Sunday about how tipping is down.  It includes a quote from one expert who says, “‘the good old days of 15 percent even for mediocre service are probably gone for now.’”

While I’m definitely not an advocate for stiffing folks who count on tips, I feel like there’s a definite social contract implied by the tip: if service is good, you give more; poor service merits less.  Only once have I been in a situation where i thought a waitress deserved no tip whatsoever, but I was pressured by my dining companions into leaving something for her.

It was a couple of years ago, when Aurora and I were visiting New Orleans for a friend’s wedding.  With our friends, we went to Lebanon Restaurant for what we thought would be a quick lunch.  the one previous time i had been, service was poor; but that had been a couple of years, and there was no reason in my mind to hold the restaurant responsible for one bad dinner server.  Turns out I might have been wrong.

A good half hour after we were seated, we were still waiting for the waitress to return to take our orders.  We were getting hungry, and we had places to be; so I took our orders back to the kitchen and gave our list to them, saying that I had no idea whether our waitress would ever get around to handling it for us.

The food, once prepared, sat in the window long enough for us to stare at it and wonder if it might be ours before our waitress picked up the order and delivered it to us.  That was the last we saw of her until we tracked her down and asked for the bill.

I wanted to leave her a total tip of $0.02; but my friends said we had to leave her at least 10-12% out of common decency.  Instead, i got approval to leave the two pennies on top with a note that said “this is the only tip you deserve” even though we had actually left more than that.

The waitress was gathering up the money from the table as we drove past; she was complaining to a coworker that “This is all the tip they gave me!”  As Aurora tugged on my shirt and tried to pull me back into the car, I leaned out the window and yelled to her that “We left you a better tip than that but you didn’t deserve it!”

I can’t imagine service worse than having to place the order myself is the only reason i advocated for stiffing her as penalty for her dismal service.  Otherwise, I can’t imagine dining at a sit down establishment and not leaving a resonable tip.  In Pennsylvania, state law allows tipped employees to be paid as little as $2.83 per hour, in expectation that their tips will draw them up to a livable wage.  Other states’ minimum wage laws can be determined by visiting http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/state/tipped.htm and clicking on a state on the map.  Once you see how little the person filling your coffee mug might be getting paid, perhaps that will make you feel somewhat more generous with your gratuities.

If you like bars that feature beer that’s worth drinking, step out to Greenfield and raise a glass at Hough’s. Of their 8 draft selections, only two (Miller Lite and Yuengling) represent the run-of-the-mill; the rest, which rotate based on what the Hough family has in stock, represent a range of craft-brewed options. Recently, they’ve added Edmund Fitzgerald, my favorite offering from the Great Lakes Brewing Company; and they’ve also had a Peak Organic Maple, which has been aged in maple and bears that wood’s distinctive, sweet flavor.

Should none of the draft beers strike your fancy, consult their list of 60+ bottled beers. If you like hops, I suggest either Dogfish Head’s 90-Minute IPA or an Arrogant Bastard. Of course, there are plenty of choices for those who prefer their beer less bitter. My wife has recently been enjoying an Ichabod Pumpkin Ale from New Holland Brewing Company.

Hough’s has a nice menu of solid bar food, as well: the benko burger is fantastic; as is the barbecue bacon burger, which I usually will order with blue cheese instead of swiss. The steak hoagie holds its own, too–though I usually get it with provolone, instead of the american cheese that’s listed on the menu. Hough’s makes its own chips and fries; or, if you want a side that’s not deep fried, they’ve got applesauce from a jar for you. The menu is expanding, and now features chicken parmesan and spaghetti and meatballs in addition to their variety of sandwiches and appetizers. I’d like to see them go a little bit further in the knife-and-fork direction and feature offerings such as meatloaf and mashed potatoes; steak and eggs; and red beans and rice. But I haven’t yet been disappointed by anything that is available that I’ve ordered.

Where is Hough’s? In true Pittsburgh tradition, I’ll tell you it’s where Pickles used to be, at the corner of Greenfield and Nantasket. Don’t let the small number of changes to Pickles’ old storefront fool you, though–the entire inside has been renovated and improved. There are lots of big-screen TVS you can watch your favorite sporting event on, especially if your favorite sporting event happens to be the Steelers or the Penguins. Otherwise, you still have a pretty good chance of watching it; I was able to get one TV tuned to a Red Sox-Rays game last week even as the rest of the bar was cheering on the Pens.

I really like the family feel. at least one of the Hough family members, if not 2 or 3, is likely to visit your table and make sure that everything is okay. I haven’t had reason to complain, but I have a definite feeling that if there were something wrong, the Houghs would be very quick to correct it. Quite honestly, sometimes when I’m sitting there sipping an ale, I half-expect the entire bar to chant “Norm!” when George Wendt walks through the door. It just feels like that kind of place.

Rating: 3 Oranges.

Hough’s is located at 563 Greenfield Avenue in Pittsburgh.