Inconsistencies in steak cookery at restaurants probably originate from the volume of steaks being cooked and/or the experience level of the cook—but no matter how experienced a cook is, when things get busy, s/he won’t be able to get every order perfect every time: especially because doneness is a sliding scale; a range of acceptability. That’s why, occasionally, people will send their steaks back.

I’d recommend making the first cut into your steak through its center to see if its doneness matches your range of acceptability. If not, get the waiter’s attention as quickly as possible. It’s a lot fairer to everyone involved if an item is sent back uneaten. That makes it clear you’re not in search of an extra meal on the house; you’re just not satisfied with how your meal was prepared. With any luck, your steak will be on the rare side of your preference, and they can just throw it back in the oven for a couple of minuted to get it up to temp for you, as opposed to cooking a whole new steak.

On the other hand, if it’s too well done and they need to get another one going for you, some places have dubious ways of getting steaks cooked “on the fly.” My previous place of employment, a “gourmet” establishment, would routinely drop steaks in the deep fryer for some color and then cook them in the microwave to get them out rapidly. Definitely not a practice that I endorse, but a practice that is out there, in some (not all!) kitchens.

I’m not the originator of these practices, just the messenger.

Can I expect sympathy if I order a steak “well done” rather than “extra-well done” (and do people actually do that)? What about medium-well? Does the sympathy in your estimation travel on a sliding scale, or does it just halt at the well-done level? I really don’t want to get stuck with a crappy cut because of how I want it cooked…

I don’t order steak very often, because I don’t eat it much, but I enjoy a good steak as much as the next guy. I always feel like it’s a gamble though when ordering steak at a restaurant. I always order it medium-well, but what I get is never consistent. The degree of pink-ness varies widely, so I’m never sure what to expect, seems pretty arbitrary in my experience.

I agree that there is a taste difference in how steak is cooked, but I disagree that it’s “wrong” to prefer well/medium-well taste to rare/bloody taste. It seems like rare steak is very much “in fashion” and you aren’t “cool” if you don’t prefer it that way.

Geez, nevermind, I’ll have the chicken.

In a restaurant, people will cook your meat any way you order it. Just don’t expect sypathy if you order a steak “extra-well done” and then complain that it’s too tough.

Also be prepared to get the end cuts instead of the center cuts. The end cuts are usually somewhat less tender, a quality difference that is made less noticable via complete coagulation of the proteins. That the end cuts are saved for well-done steaks is why many steak houses have notification on their menus that they can’t be held responsible for the quality of well-done pieces of meat.