- I don’t understand why people #twit. Why does anyone want to be indefinitely bombarded by texts from some schmuck’s unfiltered thoughtstrea
- Strawberry pancakes with June’s finest frozen at the height of freshness, chopped into small bits and folded gently into the batter
- When I was a kid, I thought salt always had to go on before pepper ‘cause that’s the order we say ‘em in. Same with oil and vinegar
- Brewed my own beer at Copper Kettle, beer + labels + bottles=210; reusing the bottles would drop it down to 160. 5 cases: 12 x 22 oz
- Happiest with the bagels from Mediterra, but the Bagel Factory is a close 2nd-as in much closer to my house!
- Who’s the bigger twit?-me for writing this crap or you for reading it?
- Knife skills for a 1.5 year old: holding together two wooden “bread slices” or “egg halves” for Angstrom to slice apart. He says “slice”!
- Check it out! Southern Discomfort: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/12040/1208847-34-0.stm
- Best Twit ever: Roald Dahl… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJzlPT_-Vwc
- Had some fantastic borscht the other day… included the beet greens and then had dill and vinegar as finishing touches. Delicious!
- Secret to great home fries: start the potatoes off first in a very hot cast iron pan and let them brown before adding the onions.
- Aurora got me a grow-your-own oyster mushroom kit. 7 days in & I see them growing! When they’re done, I think I’ll make an omelet.
Archive for the 'Corn-y Jokes' Category
How did Peter Rabbit propose to his girlfriend?
With a one-carrot ring!
Later, they wound up in couples therapy…
…where she asked him, “Do you carrot all about me?”
Why did the baby carrots get into a fight?
Because they were steamed!
In her later years, Glinda the Good retired to the seashore and spent her days lounging on the beach…
…she became a sand-witch
Speaking of the ocean, what sort of sandwich is best at sea?
There’s a sandwich shop that features a 12-inch roll stuffed with slices of heart, liver, and kidney!
They call it the ‘organ grinder!’
What do you call a joke about a sandwich?
Don’t blame me… blame my mother-in-law, who tells a bad joke really well. She’s been sending me these puns for months and I haven’t done anything with them yet. Until now…. So, without further ado, Diana’s food puns:
I couldn’t decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.
I beat the eggs and I whip the cream, but the onion always makes me cry.
One ear of corn said to the other ‘You’re getting husky’.
When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears.
The pod vegetables I bought for the gumbo I was making were so-so. They were medi-okra.
A fight broke out in a kitchen. Egged on by the waiters, two cooks peppered each other with punches. One man, a greasy foie gras specialist, ducked the first blows, but his goose was cooked when the other cold-cocked him. The man who beat him, a weedy salad expert with big cauliflower ears, tried to flee the scene, but was cornered in the maize of tables by a husky off-duty cob. He was charged with a salt and battery. He claims to look forward to the suit, as he’s always wanted to be a sous-chef.
The compensation received by the Italian chef was a pretty penne.
What should you put into your garden to watch over your beets? A metro-gnome!
Q: Why did the compulsive bettor open a bakery?
A: Because he kneaded the dough!
Q: Why’d he stay with the business?
A: Because the bread was good.
Q: Why did the sesame seed spend the whole night at the craps table?
A: Because he was on a roll!
Q: Why did the State Gaming Commission raid Senor La Fiesta restaurant?
A: They heard they were making their own chips.
Q: Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?
A: Just for the halibut!
Q: What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall?
Q: What does the pope eat during lent?
A: Holy mackerel!
Q: Why are fish such intelligent creatures?
A: Because they swim in schools!
What dance do cheese makers do every halloween?
The muenster mash!
Why is Stilton blue?
His girlfriend broke up with him.
Did you hear that the speedway association is test marketing its own brand of soft cheese?
It’s called Nascar-pone.
The cheese delivery truck got a flat tire during its route today…
…but everything was okay because they had a monterey jack and a gouda wheel in the back.